It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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