Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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