as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I believe in your delicious
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
