Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
