Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's official drugs can't kill me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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