a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
