I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
