If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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