Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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