Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
