i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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