I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
