I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize