Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
