HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
