I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
