i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
