Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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