is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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