i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
