I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize