I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
