Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
