I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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