Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
