I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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