I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize