D3 body, D1 cock
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
