So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize