I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
