Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
