Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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