At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
