I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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