I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
