She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize