I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
