I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
