I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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