She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize