my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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