im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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