dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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