Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
