Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
