Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
