mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
