we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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