Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
