My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
