Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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