his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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