have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
