I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
