I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
