Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do herpes really smell.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
