apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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