Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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