she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
