maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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