All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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