Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize