are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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