I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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