How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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