dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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