I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize