I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
