how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
