I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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