I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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