Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
