I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
