I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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