She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize