Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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