I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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