on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my being single is dangerous.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
