We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
