She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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