Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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