i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
