I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
