yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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