wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
