You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
