Pants 0. Shit 1.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
