you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
