dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
