Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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