No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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