She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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