I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
