I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
