Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
