I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
